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Hopefully, I'm back...

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  • Hopefully, I'm back...

    Well, once again I've been away for a while, and once again it's been due to circumstances beyond my control. Sadly, this time was due to the death of my Father on November 25th. He was 89. He had been in decline for some time now; physically for the past several years, and mentally for the past half year or so. Dementia is a *****, especially in one you love. My younger brother and I had to handle all the arrangements for his funeral, and it fell to my wife and me to go through his belongings to determine what to keep, what to donate, and what to (sadly) dispose of. The funeral was on Monday the 2nd of this month, and my depression has pretty much taken control of me ever since. On a bright note, we got to see our older daughter and grandson, as well as our son. They live way far away (1,200 and 750 miles, respectively), so we don't get to see them very often. This was the first we've seen our grandson since he was a year and a half old - he's nine now.

    At 90, my Mother is still with us, but Alzheimer's is taking it's toll on her. Her short-term memory is, for all intents and purposes, non-existent. She will ask "what time is it" three times in the span of five minutes. Rose and I go to see her just about every weekend if it is at all possible. Her nursing home is about 40 miles from the town where they lived (and Rose and I currently live), so whatever friends they had left have a longish drive to come out and visit them. Their pastor still came out about monthly, a visit they really looked forward to. I'm worried how long she'll last with Dad gone and so few visitors.

    So if you notice I'm not around for a week or two at a time over the next few months, this is probably the reason. I'm still depressed - I have been to work a total of two days since Dad died and it's tough just getting out of bed in the morning. I see my doctor tomorrow morning, so maybe he can help me with it, at least in the short term. Please keep us in your prayers.

  • #2
    Jim.i am sorry for your lose.take your time, hopefully things improve very soon.come back when you feel it is the right will be welcomed back like the old friend that you are to us.


    • #3
      Jim, please accept my condolences to you and your family.

      Take heart, you're not alone in your situation. Losing a parent (or any family member) is never easy, but it's inevitable and we move on. Try to look on the bright side of things. Depression can be a tough road, so I hope you take care of yourself, and seek help if needed. Prescription medicines aren't always the best solution, so if you have the option, try counselling, it can help, or if you have a church you frequent, check with them for a support group.

      My mom passed away 16 years ago on December 11th. She died of cancer. She fought it for 3 years until it finally took her. She was only 71. My dad had a hard time dealing with her condition, and when she went into hospice care, I would visit with her every day until she passed away, which was less than 2 weeks. It was hard watching her deteriorate. I'm an only child so cremation and funerary arrangements were up to me.

      I lost my dad 3 years ago after he tripped over the dog and fractured his shoulder. Things went downhill from there. He had to go to a care facility. He was getting some form of dementia or alzheimer's, the doctors never really diagnosed him, anyway, it didn't help his condition any. A few more falls, a broken hip, a broken wrist and he passed away 9 months after his first fall. It was a very difficult time for him, and my wife & I. During much of that time I was in a panic state, who'd pay for this, how can we afford that, what do we do now. Things worked out eventually, but it's tough when you're trying to handle it all alone.

      We each handle these situations in our own ways. For me, going through these issues, especially the first time around with my mom, more or less hardened me. I miss both my parents, especially my mom, but we have to move on at our own pace. Rejoice with your family, reflect upon the good times, and things will get better.
      I collect what I like, and I like what I collect.

      Michael the "Toyotageek"
      Japanese Minicar Garage


      • #4
        Hey Jim,

        Cheers to you for pushing through, and glad you are here. I struggle with occasional depression I am not ashamed to admit, and applaud you for sharing these experiences with us. I am fortunate not to have much dementia in my family, although an Uncle I was / am very close to has significant memory loss, and it is difficult to visit him. My only suggestion is find time for yourself to enjoy what you can. Maybe that is the reason why I collect diecast as I find it an outlet for some of the mental illness struggles. A few years ago I barely got out of bed, but now, I go to bed early and wake early to enjoy each new day that I consider a gift. Sorry to sound like little Mary Sunshine, but maybe this can give you a little hope. I have found this growing community a nice place to visit to discuss my regression to happy childhood! Be well, Jim! You are a devoted son who deserves the best.


        • #5
          Sorry for your loss Jim, and the difficult time you've been having to go through. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers, and I was just remembering how the Footprints In The Sand poem ends,... during the saddest times when you saw only one set of footprints, and you wondered why the Lord would leave you to walk through it alone, It was then that He was carrying you.


          • #6
            I wondered where you been Jim. Losing a parent is horrible it has to be one of the worst things that can happen to you in your lifetime. I'm sorry he passed and I know this is especially hard in the time frame it happened. You will never see Thanksgiving or Christmas ever the same. I don't know what else to say but if you ever want to talk about it please do. You don't have to talk to me it can be anyone at least someone so you don't carry the weight as bad. A course there is no secret on how to cope but to pray as you do anyway because you are a Christian. Time will take some of the burdens but we all are different. My Daddy hasn't been the same since my Mamma passed away. I wonder when he is going to die of a broken heart. I know he was in pain I remember you telling me of his nerve pain in both legs so now he isn't in pain anymore. Know that he will be watching over your family and he loves you always. God Bless You Jim and God Bless your extended family.
            Due to the recent budget cuts,
            the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, plus the
            current state of the economy, the light at the end
            of the tunnel has been turned off.


            • #7
              My condolences to you and your family. I know there isn't anything anyone else or myself could say to make things better. Take care of yourself mentally and physically and just know that your dad knew you are a good son and that he knows your mom will continue to be taken care of.

              This is my sister, Misty and myself in November of 1984. She passed away on November 10th just 3 days after her 46th birthday.

              Every time I close my eyes I see her laying there in her burgundy casket that her husband picked out because it was the same color of her Toyota Rav 4 that she loved and worked so hard for. She left home when I was 4 and therefore we never were really close but I still feel like a little piece of me died with her. She had battled Ovarian cancer since early 2017. She had a complete hysterectomy then, but they were unable to get all the cancer. It spread throughout her abdomen, other organs and she filled up with ascites fluid. In October she had her gallbladder removed and contracted C Diff Colitis while in the hospital and refused to eat or drink because it was causing extreme vomiting and diarrhea. She went into hospice on her birthday November 7th after the hospital had to revive her 6 times in 24 hours. They gave her a near lethal dose of morphine on the evening of the 10th and she went to sleep and never woke up.

              The depression and insomnia has been a nightmare. So I know where you are coming from. I stay awake until 2-3am so I don't have to close my eyes and see her. Then I crash and burn sleeping for what seems like days. My family has never been much of a sharing feelings family. And to be honest that does not bother me. I feel that there is nothing they or anyone else could say or do make me feel better. With time the wound will heal. It will never disappear, especially when I visit with my mother who has been overcome with grief and now claims she did not do enough to save my sister. My mother stayed with her from the very beginning taking her to appointments, chemo, bathing her, cooking and cleaning. But I understand my mother. No parent should have to have to bury their child. And most parents rightly believe there is never enough they can do for their children.

              I think if I haven't stayed busy with my two jobs, my diecast collecting and couple close friends I would be in a lot worse shape mentally.
              Last edited by JeepXJ; 12-13-2019, 06:00 PM.


              • #8
                @ Jim - I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your father. Loosing someone you're so close and look up to throughout your life isn't easy. My complete condolences to you and your family.

                @ Ryan - Sorry to hear the loss of your sister. Godspeed.


                • #9
                  I'm very sorry to hear of both of your losses. I will keep your families in my prayers.
                  The image file limits have been reset. Upper limits now are 100,000 when we have some images that exceed 5,000,000. I've set the pixels for no more than 1000 across the longest side, so if you resize to that all should be well. (The limits are larger than what I typically use, and my images turn out just fine, so I know it shouldn't be a problem)

                  Thank you for your understanding.


                  • #10
                    Sorry about the loss of your sister Ryan, must be heartbreaking for the whole family, she was much too young, you and your family will be in my prayers as well.


                    • #11
                      Thoughts and prayers to you both in your time of need. God Bless.
                      Scotty "Mustang (+Matchbox) Mad Man!"

                      RIP.....Pop.....David Blase Garascia 9-17-35 12-3-20.


                      • #12
                        Each person is affected differently by the death of a loved one.
                        The biggest one for me was the loss of my maternal grandmother.
                        I was very close to her.
                        It took me a very long time to recover from that loss.
                        Two years ago I visited her grave and cried a lot but finally I was at peace with myself.
                        I have lost my youngest sister and mother too.
                        Each one affected me differently.
                        But time does heal all those wounds.
                        My faith and family helped me through all the troubled times.
                        The best part is all those cherished memories that will live with me forever.

                        To Jim and Ryan, time will heal the wounds.
                        And please don't forget all those wonderful memories.
                        Your loved ones are with God.
                        May God bless each of you and your families.

                        Cheers. Cobra


                        • #13
                          I'm young enough that I haven't lost a parent yet, but I can only imagine how hard it is. I'm down to one grandparent and I know how hard each of those passings were on my parents.

                          I'm more familiar with crippling depression. Try to make time to take care of yourself, it's easy for everything else to accumulate and force taking care of yourself (both mentally and physically) to become a low priority. Unfortunately this sort of neglect only contributes to making it harder to see past the current struggles.


                          • #14
                            My friends, I can't begin to describe how heartening it is to read your messages of support. Ryan, I'm sorry to hear about your sister. She was way to young to go, and with cancer at that. My heart goes out to you and your family. I am on meds for my depression and, for the most part, they are effective. I am also in counseling, seeing my doctor every four weeks or so. I also talk to one of the associate pastors at my church as well as the pastor of my brother's/parents' church (she did the funeral for my Dad, one of the most beautiful funeral services I've ever been to, if there can be such a thing). Pastor John here at the garage has also been a willing ear for me, and has prayed with me over the phone. This community we have here at the Diecast Garage, as with Swifty's in the past, is precious to each of us for the friendships we form, often with folks we might never meet face-to-face. I am thankful for each and every one of you. Godspeed to you and yours, and may you all have a Blessed Christmas.